The Avengers has been out for over two months, so now is the perfect time to share 2,000 words about my thoughts and feelings, primarily regarding the actors and their hott bodds.
Feeling Number One, aka Let’s Just Get This Out of the Way:
JEREMY RENNER, YOU CRANKY LITTLE LEPRECHAUN, THERE’S A POT OF GOLD AWAITIN’ IN MY PANTS.
This short motherfucker has a face like a baked potato, upon which I would gladly sit. What is his appeal? Is it that he’s so clearly unhappy in every facet of life? Is it that his arms are like molded plastic coated in duckfat? Is it that he can shoot an arrow in one direction while looking over his shoulder in the other and reading a line like it’s the most ridiculous combination of words he’s ever come across? Jeremy Renner is a little shit, and I love him.
Speaking of little shits: the main villain in The Avengers is Loki, who we last saw in Thor, and who remains pale, beautiful, and hilarious. Loki is kind of like Nic Cage/Castor Troy in Face/Off, only more British, which is weird because there’s no England in outward space!!! His main character trait is that he is a whiny wittle space-baby who can’t understayund human wuv, and sometimes he wears a cool helmet.